The truth is if someone ask me who I am going to be in the next five years, I won’t be able to answer that certain question very clearly. The reason is simple, up till now I just do not know what I really want to be. If choosing the future means are based on issues or any other activities I like, then I give up. I like many and I am not someone who can easily focus on one thing for any long term goal. My seven years working experience teach me that in life one has to deal with the massive amount of uncertainty. So basically, we are all the sailors sailing while trying to figure this whole thing called life and future out. Nobody knows how deep or vast the ocean is, nobody knows where the nearest island and how to get the place, nobody is exactly mastering the know-how and able to arrive at the safest place alive. Without a clear direction, we constantly are living in frustrating circumstances. After all, this is the life we are living in, the life I choose to believe that I am in in order to position myself as one of the sailors.
So, what’s next after positioning myself as the hesitant sailor?
I need to constantly learn so that I will always be ready of any possibilities ahead. When things get really tight, my safety net is to go check the data. I need to learn my surroundings, sometimes even in details. But how I catch the phenomena around me are also something else. Sometimes, it is easy for us to get overwhelmed with anything surround, meaning I need to understand how to filter all information so I will only take what I need most in order to make a decision. Still, in the circumstance full of uncertainty, which kind of data you need most? That I position myself as a curious sailor. I will not stop learning for without it, how could I survive?
Now I am not only a hesitant, but also a curious sailor. Things are now getting more confusing, yet in the same time, very much interesting.
Even the smartest ideas will worth nothing if I could not even implement and make my surrounding work for me. The idea will stay untouchable and mean nothing. It is no secret that all of us have very good ideas and argumentation, but, are the ideas worth to try? Are they measurable and feasible enough to be achieved? I am still not sure, I will always need to figure everything out. I need to constantly make efforts on how I am going to work with any given sources around me.
Long story short, my life is still undecided and unclear. This year I am turning 27, single, and still not sure about my life in the future for I really do not know how my life will turn out to be. My constantly changing paths do have their own reasons and melodrama. With all the realization, I am even expecting more to come. I believe we can not avoid this fact, but don’t worry, we just need to manage them. So then, am I ambitious enough as a woman? I am not that certain being who choose her path in order to gain any recognition nor to be someone who want to help as many beings as possible. My learning paths are still changing, they are not even static. The path I choose is mainly for my own survival and protection. I am learning a lot mainly for my own self and so I could survive in the ocean called uncertainty as a lone sailor.
PHOTO IS TAKEN FROM HERE